Sam and Bran and Ella and Anna

I accidentally pulled on Anna's line! So freaked out!!!

She can finally eat! She hasn't eaten since about midnight last night. :( She asked for a burrito and tater tots and water. We are in ISO, again. This time it is because I have a cough. If it wasn't for me, Anna could leave and go to the other rooms and play and ride bikes and see kids and leave her hospital bed for a few minutes a day.

CT scan shows a large blockage in her intestines, we are giving extra doses of medication to move that blockage out. Good news here is that her intestines and intestinal lining isn't perforated. She has an infection in her blood - gram rod positive (?) - basically a blood infection that they are pretty sure she contracted in the hospital. They don't know the specific kind yet, but are taking her off the first three antibiotics and giving her a single heavy duty antibiotic and will tailor the treatment more once they know the specific strain.

She will be here for the next few days, the antibiotic she is on will be a 14 day course, hopefully we won't be here for all 14 days. We are not sure how long, she needs to be fever-free for a minimum of 24 hours and currently she's about 103.8 (I think, I know the last one was about 103.) She also needs to have three non-bacteria growing blood cultures before we go home.

Today was a very very extremely scary day! I am extraordinarily grateful that they know what kind of infection and that they found a cause. Highly stressful.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, we were to have a photographer take pictures of the girls, tutus and girly and pink and purple and sparkly and glittery...not going to happen. :( It may still happen depending on when she is allowed to leave the hospital - but the really sad visible part has begun. Today she was lying, ready for her CT and some of her hair was caught under her arm. I picked up several long gorgeous strands and put them in my pocket. What makes this doubly sucky is that pretty much every person who saw Anna today commented on her hair and how beautiful her hair is - I wonder what they'll tell her when it is all gone - will she think people don't think she looks nice anymore?

Sam and I told Ella about the hair yesterday, she was very upset but recovered well. Then, Ella and I went shopping for tutus and fun clothes for the runway photo shoot and we saw two women/girls with head scarves and bald heads.

I feel 100% wholly unprepared to be the mother of a child with a serious illness. I'm scared, I cry, I pull on her port, I can't look at the lump where her port is, or put medication on it before we leave for the hospital, I get faint when I think about the needles and the pokes and the port...Today one of the nurses asked what I need and I looked at her and she said, "A magic wand?" Yes. That is exactly what I need - a magic wand. I found a tee that says "There wasn't supposed to be cancer in my Fairy Tale." How perfectly appropriate for Anna.

I don't like being here, but I do like that it feels more secure and safe - they know what to do when her fever is 106.--. I also like that everyone tells Anna what a great patient she is -because she truly is - totally amazing and awe-inspiring.


***To Dan H. - Thank You! You made me laugh and I think someday I may do that, when I don't cry just trying to say the words.