Sam and Bran and Ella and Anna

Just an update.

More of the same today. Slight dips in platelets and hematocrit. Drop in white blood cells, don't have ANC yet today but they are guessing it is 0 since the WBC is less than .2%.

We have not only new Fellow and new Residents but also a new Attending...I 100% understand and appreciate the teaching aspect but at the same time, I'd love continuity - since we have to be here - so should they. ;)

We have NO timeline for going home. It is all dependent on Anna's body. She is getting an NG tube put in for nutrition. They'll start the formula feeds this afternoon. I am feeling quite dejected. I know that we are to expect the unexpected but really, I am tired of being at the hospital. Anna is tired of being here, tired of the food. She's not sleeping well, not eating well adn just doesn't feel well. Tonight she wants Azteca for dinner. It is a major undertaking to get her food not from the hospital but if it will get her to eat - we do it!

Last night at 9 pm she started asking for fries. The grill is closed from 6:45p - 1am so no fries. I had the nurse wake me at 1 so I could go get fries. She ate a ton of them. Today it is Azteca, at least she's asking while there is still something I can do to make it happen. We waste a ton of food here - I feel terribly guilty but I prefer her to eat one or two bites of ten things than just two bites of one thing.

Today is more chemo, so all the good mood for the last two days will be gone. Once her nutrition is more under control she will start physical therapy. It is probably very uncouth to say, but she is looking more and more like a person with anorexia. It hurts to sit because her hip bones protrude. We can see all of her knee bones, foot bones, arm bones. Her little wrist is so tiny. I am very careful with her and still end up hurting her accidentally a few times a day. :( I am better with touching the port but it does still happen.

They keep telling us this is the easy part. So not looking forward to the hard part. I am trying to remind myself that this is just a blip, just a moment, temporary - it is very hard to remember and keep that in my mind as I sit here hour after hour. Anna's tiny little wasting body sleeping next to me. She's not a stellar conversationalist these days she mostly wants to be left alone and not be spoken to unless she initiates. She doesn't want people to visit. It is hard to sit in the dark, basically alone.

Anna has learned to 'sleep' when people come in the room - especially doctors and nurses. The other day, the day of the new residents, Rebecca(the Attending) was telling the new residents about Anna pretending to sleep. With her eyes closed Anna retorts, "I am NOT faking!"

There is a Charlie Brown movie about cancer, a girl with leukemia. Anna and I were flipping through channels and it was on and she wanted to continue watching it. We watched it and at the end Anna asked for it again. She also decided it is so great that she will give it to Ella for her birthday. :) "That movie freakin' rocked!" She seemed to really enjoy watching the girl who had the same tests and the same illness and also lost her hair.