Things I've Learned

1. Anna is amazingly strong, stronger than any of us.
2. Ella is remarkably resilient and can be so incredibly helpful.
3. Sam does NOT rock the bald look.

Sam was informed that he needed to shave his head yesterday; so he did. Ella came home and cried when she saw him. I mean, he doesn't look terribly cute, but I don't think he looks *that* bad. ;)

Ella has been so helpful and she's more rigid than either Sam and I seem to be about staying away from Anna. She keeps telling us, "I don't want her back in the hospital.":( She is helping take care of things and herself - and is so amazingly patient when her wants and needs keep getting set aside, for one minute, two minutes, five minutes, an hour. She keeps on, even when she was feeling totally miserable.

Anna- proving her well of strength daily. There are so many things she does that I don't know that I would have the courage to do - especially feeling as miserable as she does. I have one specific example that brought both Sam and I to tears. For about two weeks Anna has been unable to really support her own weight beyond walking. We have been stablizing her when she walks as she is very tippy and could fall over at any moment, reminiscent of a college student on a Saturday night. Every day at the hospital she needs to be weighed. We have had to pick her up to weigh her on the scale because she is physically unable to step up onto the scale. Scales aren't that high, maybe one or two inches. The last time Anna tried on her own she literally crumpled to the floor in pain because her leg couldn't support her while she stepped up. I will admit, I totally lost it. I cried and cried at the visible manifestion of how her body is ravaged from the chemo. So, she'd been home less than 24 hours and decided to try and be her typical get it done Anna-rific self. She wanted to walk down the stairs. There is do possible way Anna can walk down the stairs, she can barely make it the ten feet from her room to the bathroom. She tried her hardest and Sam held her up and supported her weight as she struggled down the stairs. I helped her up the stairs. We have seven stairs for her to navigate. I held her tiny body under her arms as she struggled to take one step. Her legs can't support the weight change so she can't make the step. I basically lift her and she forces her legs through the motions of stepping up. Her body is rigid and stiff and she is shaking with the effort and this freaking awesome littel person fought her way up the stairs, it probably took us four to five mnutes to get upthe stiars. She was beyond exhauseted but so filled with the excitemetn of "doing it myself!" that she didn't even seem to notice the pain and the effort once she reached the top.

She has victories like this every.single.day.


I am continuously, utterly, amazingly, fantastically inspired.